Admirable list! Here's the challenge: if success is measured by achieving them, then resolutions too often don't work. We fall short or fail to make them happen. Worse, we usually feel a sense of failure and even shame as if it's a character flaw.
So, what to do? Simple,
DON’T MAKE RESOLUTIONS!
A resolution, by its very name, means to solve or resolve a problem. It focuses on and reinforces that there’s something wrong with you or your life. But, you and your life are not a problem to solve. Yours is a life to live, create, and flourish.
What’s more effective and enjoyable is to set INTENTIONS. Set an intention and make it happen. You can do that by following the 4P’s.
Make it a PROMISE.
If you make a promise the odds are much greater that you'll do it. If you break a resolution or don't achieve a goal, you'll feel disappointed. If you break a promise, it hurts. Why? It's just the way we human beings are built (most of us anyway). Your word is your bond, even to yourself. Even more to someone else, even if it’s your dog (or cat, horse, etc.).
For example, which statement has more impact:
"My goal is to lose 10 pounds by March 1st."
"I promise to lose 10 pounds by March 1st."
Keeping promises also gives you a feeling of pride and honor. Who among us doesn't want to be known as, "Someone of their word", or "A stand-up person"? And, if you need help or support, who wouldn't want to help someone keep their word?
Next, break it down so you can do it PIECEMEAL.
Most of us are encouraged to set goals or intentions in the spirit of, “Go big or go home.” While it may be fun and exciting to do so, evidence from psychology, sports, and the business world show that making it happen almost always requires a step-by-step process. Start with what you promise to do or accomplish, and then chunking it down to doable actions that can be done DAILY (or several times a day).
If you want to run a mile, you start by running half a block. Then 1 block the next time. Then 2 blocks, then 3, etc. Small progressive steps over time.
Now, to make it happen you have to PERSIST.
On your journey, you will encounter headwinds, speed bumps, and roadblocks. Make yourself feel confident that you can handle any situation that comes up. Preparation precedes confidence. Remind yourself several times per day what you want, why you want it, and the promise you made.
You intend to eat better, and your best friend shows up to visit with your favorite junk food. You go for your daily walk and it’s raining. Always have a plan B, and even a plan C, for those times where you’re challenged
Finally, PARTY!
Create small games daily and weekly that you can win, then regularly celebrate your wins. Making things fun and enjoying the process is light years ahead of drudgery and joyless discipline. Make it fun and get it done.
Here’s to a healthy and abundant 2021!
Sincerely,
Dr. David Graber |
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